Ready, Get Set.. Join the Party!

courtesy - membrane21@deviantArt

I'm not comfortable in social situations. And when I say social situations, I mean those which involve a large number of people. Not the evening 'get together' of a few friends but the conceptualized, planned and executed ceremonial gathering of acquaintances, many of them bound only by the commonality that they know "someone there".

Now, again, adding to the sad clarification in the beginning, I'm not talking about social anxiety or any other fancy new world, psychological handicap that makes me a tragic situation to be dealt with understanding and sympathy.. no.

I'm referring, rather weirdly gleefully, that I simply don't know what to do with myself. Yep. Me no like paartays! This is hardly a secret to anyone who knows me well. So this post  is for the rest of you fine folks..

When confronted with the demanding situation of someone else being happy about something and celebrating, possibly in the presence of thrilled people filled with encouragement and hope, I go through my options fast. Its really not that I don't wish them well, I do. I really and sincerely do. It's just that I am a fish out of water at such jubilant occasions.

If I do wind up there somehow, I have very little time to formulate a new and custom designed strategy specific to that place and people.

So I fall back on to my two basic plans of attack. These plans were not a product of careful analysis but more of a 'play it by the ear' thing that has evolved into a pattern of behavior many would consider worthy of medical attention and care from generally loving people.

Plan one involves what I call my First Person Shooter strategy. To those of you unfamiliar with this fascinating genre of gaming, let me explain. Essentially, you have a gun and a perspective.. combined with the ability to move. You figure the rest out when enemies come at you with bad intentions.

So here's how this one works for me. It came to me naturally because I do the same thing in the games.

Immediately upon entering the arena or the war area, you look for the corners. Never be caught out in the open. You head for the corner, navigating the hurdles along the way (social and physical) and settle yourself there facing the rest of the area.

You have the advantage of no one spotting you easily, because well adjusted individuals who generally populate such events tend to occupy the well lit, central areas. Wearing a dark enough outfit to blend in to the shadows helps. Then you can move from corner to corner if and when someone spots you and heads your way. You may have to engage in some combat (verbal) but overall you reduce the damage to your armor and survive the game.

Plan number two is what I have named the Need For Speed strategy. Now, the title may imply some sort of motivated action and coordination from my part. It does not. For me, Need For Speed the game involved mostly not crashing in to stuff and hoping for the best.

How this works out in the social event map is that I keep making laps around the whole area. I carefully maneuver my movements so that I don't run in to people, and also it gives people the illusion that you're busy with something. They always see you walking briskly somewhere. The trophy at the end is, of course, the ride back home in an actual vehicle driven by someone else when I can contemplate on the meaning of life and congratulate my wits for having carried me through the whole ordeal.

Then I pat myself on the back and resume my well rehearsed and by now confident routine of feeling lonely and bored, at which point I stroke my chin and delve in to the recesses of the human mind for the answers.

Still not getting satisfactory answers though. Hmmmm.. Now why is that? What am I missing here? (ponders in the dreary solitude of the night)