The Orlando Bloom Syndrome

Bloom in a romantic scene in Kingdom of Heaven

Bloom getting knighted in Kingdom of Heaven

Bloom knighting commoners and inspiring them to defend Jerusalem against Saladdin in Kingdom of Heaven

Bloom saying goodbye to his new bride and true love for ten years in Pirates of the Caribbean : At World's End

Bloom is the new immortal captain of the Flying Dutchman in Pirates of the Caribbean : At World's End

Bloom looking at the horizon after releasing his enslaved father from his bond in Pirates of the Caribbean:At World's End

Bloom professing his love for Helen in Troy

Do you see what I see? I assure you I did not cherry pick the shots to make my point, in fact I specifically looked for the most dramatic scenes in these movies that's available on Youtube. Now, either the directors of all these movies gave him specific instructions to display minimal emotions in powerful and pivotal scenes when acting with great actors like Pitt, Bana, O'Toole, Depp, Rush, Yun Fat, Neeson, Nighy, Weaving, Mckellan, Mortensen etc. or maybe ..just maybe this right here is his 'range'. I really did not have the energy to go  through the Lord of the Rings movies looking for this, sorry..

Also, let me make this clear. I do not hate the guy. I don't know the guy. I'm sure he's great. However, I know for a fact that he is capable of displaying emotions because he does so really well in interviews, red carpet and the blooper reels of the very same movies.

Why did I do this then? Because the guy keeps showing up to play important roles in epic movies.. That annoys me. I mean c'mon - Balian, Paris, Legolas, Turner.. He is the new Keanu Reeves; another guy capable of literally no emotion or the wrong one and gives the same reaction whether he just found out that the Oracle was right, the count is a vampire, the bus is about to explode, demons are entering our world because an Archangel is helping them or that his father is the actual Devil.

 For the sake of clarity - I've no issues with him making movies, There's room in the world for us all. And he does have his fans. But, why, why would you choose him for the really emotional/ character driven plots and that too with the really great actors? Why can't he just stick with the kind of stuff that doesn't require much from him, in terms of emotional substance. For example, it was physically painful to see Keanu react to the mental breakdown and subsequent suicide of his loving wife played by the mesmerizing and talented Charlize Theron, and struggling to come up with a genuine human reaction to Pacino's masterful 'Sympathy for the Devil' monologue at the end of 'The Devil's Advocate'. His most believable performance so far has been as Klaatu in the 'The Day the Earth Stood Still' remake. Somehow, he managed to play an emotionless extra-terrestrial being really well. There's a masterclass in acting for ya.. Although, I understand that movie has its haters in the classic sci-fi fan community, as well.

Oh, honorable mention in the category, Dr. James Franco, Ph D. The frickin' WIZARD OF OZ? Really?? Just stick with the CGI apes, dude.. (Though Caesar  the chimp did give a more convincing performance, hmm...)

The next in line to this particular throne, I think, is the wolf guy from the Twilight. I haven't seen the Twilight movies but I'm aware of the plot, somewhat, from certain biting reviews on Youtube. I saw a few minutes of one of the movies when I was channel surfing once. Wolf-boy was delivering a monologue to the stoic brunette chick with dead eyes about how much he loves her and how he was, well...frustrated, enraged, depressed, (horny?)..couldn't really tell from all the spectacularly contrived and painful acting. Though if memory serves his shirt was either already off or he was about to take it off... indoors, while having a meaningful, deep conversation. Oh boy! Can't wait to see him play Julius Caesar or some shit.. Zack Snyder will direct, Caesar will be stabbed in slow mo, with CGI blood everywhere, and I will die inside.(why God, why!!)

I don't get it, people give Megan Fox so much crap, but she plays what she can (though badly), and yeah, her personality sucks if I were to believe the, ahem..'news' stories. But I'm pretty sure you won't see Megan Fox playing Cleopatra or Lady Macbeth. Why do these guys get a pass, if the criteria is not just 'looking good'? And what are the guidelines for that except a good agent and a decent publicist. I have seen equally good looking guys or maybe even better looking ones playing non-recurring supporting roles on TV shows. You know..actually acting. Could it just be dumb luck or is the universe being deliberately ironic and cruel.. to me?

What? "No talent, but hot" girls are unacceptable and disgraceful, and never hear the end of it, even as high school love interests in an alien robot movie or over the top action movies but "No talent, but hot" guys are not only acceptable but appreciated and 'cool' in  huge franchises, and as important historical and literary figures? Talk about double standards!

In conclusion, let me just say that this is all in good fun. Take it or leave it guys.. Don't bother with the hateful comments just yet.